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Today’s exercise… a memoir snapshot contrasting my teenage struggles with overcompensating adult abundance.
I was awkward.
I know we all say that, but, well, I was.
My teeth were as yellowed as my sun-in hair.
They were also as crooked as my taste in music which was Debbie Gibson and Madonna, while trying to keep up with my few friends who listened heartily to The Cure and Depeche Mode.
Between the crooked and the yellow, in the few photos you can find of me, you rarely find me smiling.
Sure, to the outside theorist, I wasn’t smiling because my home life was Hell.
Well, I was, after all, an American teenager in the late eighties.
We were the generation that inevitably developed into slackers and grunge.
It also didn’t help that my mother left her drugs around the house and had a revolving door of men parading out of her bedroom.
There may have been some warranted angst involved.
But really it was because I was embarrassed of my smile.
I was also beanstalk skinny. Lanky.
Something I would spend my adult years disbelieving as I battled weight issues of the opposite spectrum.
Disbelieving because I had blocked the good with the bad of my youth in one organic lump as though I were born into this world at age twenty.
My plumped weight, which I am sure began as a symbol of my burgeoning successes.
A sign that my life had gone from bleak and malnourished to abundant and overflowing.
As life is wont to do, without balance, my successes became my darkest adult torment.
A scrawny unliked teenager who didn’t love himself became a fat over-loved adult who didn’t love himself.
Half-way through my thirties, I finally am finding the balance.
The yin and yang of my body, mind and heart.
The ability to receive love offers me the ability to love.
The ability to love myself requires less validation from external sources and allows me to be more selfless and kind.
Nourishment that is not deprived nor overwhelmed, but plenty.
The ability to find fond moments from my adolescence I was sure never existed.
To safely remember my past without fear of being forcefully delivered back in time.
To look back and smile at my silly yellow hair.
And be thankful for my now white teeth.
In a healthy loved body that is neither too skinny and lanky or too swollen and plump.
With a smile I shine cartoonishly wide in every photo, proudly and confidently.
A symbol of how far I’ve come and a foundation to go furthermore.
Sensitively, Stephanie speaks softly.
“Sir, surely since stripes seem slimming, she should select styled such suits.”
Surprised she spoke, stylist Stefano says, “surely, she should”.
Sans silence, Stephanie steps stoically, swirling, spinning.
Suzanne Somers smirks, sensational suit sold.
Here’s a website I think you’ll like: Pop Cult: ‘Back to the Future’ Date Hoax Goes Viral
It amazes me how it gets me excited season after season.
This was my first taping.
And I got to meet some of my all time faves.
If this still counts as my birthday week, I never want it to end.
Did you see the NappyTabs routine with Alex and Twitch?
One of the best in SYTYCD history!
Speaking of NappyTabs, they were on my flight home from Vegas on Monday.
I found it inappropriate to chat them up at the airport and even more so as they sat two rows away.
But tonight, I couldn't help but gush to Tabitha.
Did you see the routine? Seriously.
I am so glad I did.
Not only is she an awesome choreographer, but super sweet.
And by sheer coincidence, tonight's show featured Deborah's version of "Let Me Entertain You".
It was a proud moment as a friend. An exciting moment as a fan.
Speaking of friends, I have my eyes set on Cat Deeley.
I just want to drink wine and laugh with her.
She is stunning up close.
Mia Michaels commands all of the presence and respect you would think.
I could see having a lot of fun with her.
Pasha and Twitch? They could be renamed sweet and lovely.
Lauren? A total delight.
Many special thanks to my friend Sunja for taking such good care of us tonight.
To Adam Shankman for having the sense to take such good care of Sunja that she could take such good care of us.
And to my friend Mandy for making me the happiest plus one today.
I can't even say for the week, because did you hear about my Sunday?
What a week. What a month. What a birthday. What a fabulous time to be me.
Remind me of this capsule of time if you ever hear me whiny or depressed!