My feed is full of posts celebrating @nsync’s album Celebrity turning 18 today and I’m feeling compelled to overshare a story I’ve rarely told. .
I remember buying the CD at The Wherehouse in Burbank and flipping through the art work at a red light. In @lancebass’s liner notes, I was one of the many names he thanked. I burst into tears so hard, I had to pull over when the light turned green because I couldn’t see. .
My friend @sarilynnsmith recently pointed out that I’ve never felt like I belonged at the table. That from Jeremy McFadden (voted most popular in high school) signing my yearbook to a weekend in Napa with Katy Perry, I’ve been pushing my own envelope for years to fit in and be included. From the outside, it’s always appeared as though I’ve had a handle on my own repute, but I didn’t. And I’ve had to learn the hard way that even the most popular people in the entire planet could never appease me because worthiness starts from within.
In the last year, I’ve not only felt like I belong, I’ve recognized I have earned a seat at the table. Today, instead of crying, I would’ve called up Lance and said thank you. Instead of finding someone to pinch and validate me because Ant-Man was available on the plane, I pressed play and in a reflective moment, felt proud to be a part of it.
I’ve had to dig deep this year. There was a lot of shit to excavate to find my core. Toppling dominoes that began in my childhood up-to a haywire marriage that triggered a lot of emotional and physical upheaval had covered up my ability to know my worth.
Instead of collapsing into despair, I took stock in who I am and what I have always had… me.
A profound realization that I am enough. That relying on myself is all I need to rely on. Banking on myself is all I need to bank on. Betting on myself is all I need to bet on. I am enough. I hate that it took 44 years to get here, but I’m thankful it wasn’t 75. .
I’m curious… do you feel like you’re enough? Do you bank and bet on yourself? If you don’t, I’m more than happy to remind you that you are indeed enough. We are all enough. Happy birthday Celebrity. Thanks for being another messenger of how far I’ve come. X
Posted from Instagram